Jokes

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Jokes

Here are some jokes I know:

1. There are two guys walking through a cemetery when they come to Beethoven's grave. Suddenly, random noises come out of the grave. The two guys go to the funeral director and ask "Why are there weird noises coming out of Beethoven's grave?" and the funeral director replies "Oh, don't worry, he's just decomposing."
2. Once there was a snail who wanted to buy a car, so he went to the car dealer and said "I want a red car with racing stripes and a big S on the side." and the car dealer asked "Why do you want a big S on the side?" The snail replied "So when I drive past some people, they'll say 'Look at that escargo."
3. There is a building that is in the middle of a flash flood. The building has two floors. A man named Jimmy is on the first floor. As the water in the first floor rises, a boat came to Jimmy with a man in it. The man says "Get in the boat!" but Jimmy says "No, I believe God will save me." Eventually, the water rose too high and Jimmy had to go to the second floor. Again, a boat comes with a man in it and the man says "Get in the boat!" but Jimmy refuses and says "I believe God will save me." Then the water submerges the second floor and Jimmy was forced to go onto the roof. A helicopter came to him and the pilot yelled "Get in the helicopter!" but the stubborn Jimmy said "No, I believe God will save me." Unfortunately the building collapsed and Jimmy died. Jimmy, who was now in heaven, went to God and asked "Why didn't you save me?" and God replied "I tried! I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"
4. (This joke is based on a law. Go look it up after you read it.) There is an island with dolphins on it. The island is divided into two by a river, and all of the dolphins are on one side. The dolphins are immortal, because they eat seagulls. As long as the dolphins eat seagulls, they stay immortal. Then, one day, they ran out of seagulls on their side of the island. So they sent one dolphin to cross the river and look for seagulls on the other side. There is a bridge that goes over the river. So the dolphin starts to cross the bridge and found a sleeping lion sitting in the middle of the bridge. The dolphin manages to jump over the lion without waking him up and made it to the other side. He captures some baby seagulls and goes back to the bridge. He sees the sleeping lion again and just barely manages to cross the lion. As soon as he gets back on his own side of the island, he is caught by some policemen. The policemen say "You're under arrest." but the dolphin says "What did I do?" The policemen reply "You took underage gulls across a stately lion for immortal porpoises. (Yes, that joke is actually based off a law)

An Equation

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An Equation

Who can find the answer to this equation first? By the way, you can't use a calculator. Good luck!

5+16*7-38+77*14+13-12+86-27+14-1+70+12-48+43*3*2*1+1= ???

I will post the answer in a later insert.

A Happy Poem

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A Happy Poem

Here's a happy poem to counteract the depressing poem.

The pink pony pranced throught the meadow.
A warm heap of oats waited for him
in the barn in the distance.
Life was so simple, so blissful.
The pony was happy.

Pink ponies are awesome. Right?

A Depressing Poem

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A Depressing Poem

Following in Stranger Danger's footsteps, I am journeying into the unknown by writing the following poem. Ok, here we go. (drum roll)

Silence shattered by a single noise
sharp, without warning,
deafening.
Before he could react to the noise
he was dead.

What do you think? This is probably going to be my only depressing poem, so enjoy it.

The Stock Market

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The Stock Market

If you haven't been watching the news, here's what's happening:

"Good evening everyone, and welcome to Fox 5 news. Guess what? The stock market's crashing!" (end of random monologue)

The monologue may have been random, but the news certainly wasn't. That's right! The stock market is taking a downward spiral to the ground. It seems that everything is going wrong right now in the economy. Hopefully the market will end this crisis, which is eerily reminiscent of the Crash of 1929.

Latin

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Latin

Latin is one the worst languages in the world. No one uses it anymore, and, even though it is somewhat important, no one speaks it. So what's the point in learning it?

Blogs

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Blogs

I really don't have anything to write about, so I will proceed to blog about blogs. They are very helpful for trying to display opinions and things like that. I like the blog inserts that I have so far. However, if anyone has any suggestions, you can comment on the blog insert.

Presidential Race and a Dumb Joke

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Presidential Race
How fast are they running? HA HA HA HA... (if you didn't get the hint, that was the dumb joke)

This is probably the most popular topic write about now, so I thought I'd contribute to the never ending discussion on who's going to win.
The presidential race is heated up as we head into the beginning of October. No one is quite sure who is going to win. Although most of us here at HB Woodlawn support Obama, (I think) John McCain is doing just as good as Obama in terms of the actual race.
I support Obama because he would be a good change in the Oval Office. Think about it. George Bush has had the last 8 years trying to command this country well. Instead, he has done quite the opposite. Not only has he ruined the situation in Iraq, but the economy is failing as well. Hopefully Obama will end this and be a positive asset to the country.